Add 260+ Claude Code skills from skills.sh
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difficult-workplace-conversations/skill.md
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name: difficult-workplace-conversations
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description: Structured approach to workplace conflicts, performance discussions, and challenging feedback using preparation-delivery-followup framework. Use when preparing for tough conversations, addressing conflicts, giving critical feedback, or navigating sensitive workplace discussions.
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allowed-tools: Read, Glob, Grep
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---
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# Difficult Conversations Skill
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A structured framework for approaching challenging workplace conversations including conflicts, performance issues, sensitive feedback, and emotionally charged discussions.
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## When to Use This Skill
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- Preparing for a challenging conversation with a colleague
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- Addressing performance issues with a team member
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- Delivering difficult feedback to a peer or manager
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- Navigating conflict between team members
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- Discussing sensitive topics (salary, promotion, termination)
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- Handling emotional or defensive reactions
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- Following up after difficult discussions
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## Core Framework: Preparation-Delivery-Followup
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Difficult conversations succeed or fail based on three phases:
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### Phase 1: Preparation (Before)
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**Purpose:** Set yourself up for a productive conversation
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1. **Clarify the Issue**
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- What specifically happened? (Observable facts only)
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- What is the impact? (On you, team, work)
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- What do you need to change?
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2. **Check Your Emotions**
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- What am I feeling? Why?
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- Am I calm enough to have this conversation?
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- What might trigger me during this conversation?
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3. **Consider Their Perspective**
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- How might they see this situation?
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- What constraints or pressures might they have?
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- What do they care about that I can acknowledge?
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4. **Define Your Goal**
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- What outcome do I want?
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- What is the minimum acceptable result?
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- What am I willing to compromise on?
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### Phase 2: Delivery (During)
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**Purpose:** Have the conversation effectively
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1. **Open Neutrally**
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- Start with facts, not judgments
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- Express intent to understand, not accuse
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- Create psychological safety
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2. **Share Your Perspective**
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- Describe behavior, not character
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- Focus on impact, not intention
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- Use "I" statements, not "you always"
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3. **Listen Actively**
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- Ask clarifying questions
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- Acknowledge their viewpoint
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- Look for shared interests
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4. **Seek Resolution**
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- Propose specific actions
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- Agree on next steps
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- Set check-in timeline
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### Phase 3: Followup (After)
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**Purpose:** Ensure lasting resolution
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1. **Document Agreements**
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- What was agreed?
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- Who does what by when?
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- How will you measure success?
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2. **Check Progress**
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- Follow up as promised
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- Acknowledge improvements
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- Address continued issues promptly
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3. **Maintain Relationship**
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- Separate issue from person
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- Rebuild trust over time
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- Watch for regression
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## Key Principles
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### Separate Impact from Intent
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**What happened:** Observable behavior
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**What I felt:** Your emotional response
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**What I assume:** Their intention (often wrong)
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Focus conversation on behavior and impact, not assumed intentions.
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### The SBI Model
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**Situation:** When and where did this happen?
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**Behavior:** What specifically did they do/say?
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**Impact:** What was the effect on you, the team, or the work?
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### Managing Emotions
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| If You Feel | Before Acting |
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| ----------- | ------------- |
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| Angry | Wait 24 hours, write but don't send |
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| Hurt | Talk to neutral party first |
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| Anxious | Practice the conversation |
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| Defensive | Identify your contribution |
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### When to Escalate
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Escalate when:
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- Safety is at risk
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- Legal issues involved
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- Repeated conversations haven't worked
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- Power dynamics prevent resolution
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- You need documentation
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## Conversation Types
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### Performance Feedback
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- Lead with specific examples
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- Connect to expectations/standards
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- Focus on future improvement
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- Offer support and resources
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### Conflict Resolution
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- Hear both sides separately first
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- Identify underlying interests
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- Look for win-win solutions
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- Document agreements
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### Sensitive Topics
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- Choose private, neutral setting
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- Allow time for processing
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- Be direct but compassionate
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- Respect confidentiality
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### Receiving Feedback
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- Thank them for feedback
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- Ask clarifying questions
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- Don't defend immediately
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- Reflect before responding
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## References (Load When Needed)
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### Detailed Frameworks
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- **[Conversation Framework](references/conversation-framework.md)**: Complete three-phase framework with scripts and examples
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- **[Preparation Template](references/preparation-template.md)**: Worksheet for preparing before difficult conversations
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- **[Delivery Scripts](references/delivery-scripts.md)**: Opening lines, response handling, reframing techniques
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- **[Emotional Regulation](references/emotional-regulation.md)**: Managing your own emotions before and during
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## See Also
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- `feedback-mastery` skill - SBI feedback model (overlaps but more feedback-focused)
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- `professional-effective-communication` skill - General communication patterns
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## Example Scenarios
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### Scenario 1: Addressing Missed Deadlines
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```markdown
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**Issue:** Team member missed 3 deadlines in past month
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**Impact:** Project delayed, others blocked
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**Goal:** Understand root cause, agree on prevention plan
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**Opening:** "I wanted to check in about the recent deliverables. I've noticed
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the last three have come in past deadline, and I'd like to understand what's
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happening and how we can address it together."
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```
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### Scenario 2: Peer Conflict
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```markdown
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**Issue:** Colleague publicly criticized your work in meeting
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**Impact:** Embarrassed, trust damaged
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**Goal:** Address behavior, rebuild working relationship
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**Opening:** "I'd like to talk about what happened in yesterday's standup.
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When you said my code 'missed obvious issues,' I felt called out in front
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of the team. I'd like to understand your concerns and find a better way
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to handle code quality feedback."
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```
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### Scenario 3: Asking Manager for Raise
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```markdown
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**Issue:** Feel underpaid relative to market/contribution
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**Impact:** Demotivation, considering leaving
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**Goal:** Discuss compensation, get timeline or adjustment
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**Opening:** "I'd like to discuss my compensation. I've been here two years,
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taken on the payments project leadership, and want to make sure my salary
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reflects my contributions and the current market."
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```
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## Anti-Patterns to Avoid
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### In Preparation
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- **Scripting every word** - You'll sound robotic; prepare themes, not scripts
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- **Building a case** - This isn't a trial; seek understanding, not winning
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- **Waiting too long** - Issues compound; address promptly
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### In Delivery
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- **Starting with "You always..."** - Triggers defensiveness immediately
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- **Burying the lead** - Get to the point; don't soften excessively
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- **Asking leading questions** - "Don't you think..." isn't asking
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### In Followup
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- **Forgetting to check in** - Without follow-up, nothing changes
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- **Holding grudges** - Issue resolved means relationship continues
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- **Over-documenting** - Not everything needs written record
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## Success Metrics
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A successful difficult conversation:
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- Both parties feel heard
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- Specific actions are agreed
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- Relationship is preserved or improved
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- The issue doesn't recur (or has clear escalation)
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- Neither party is blindsided later
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